What do I do to Avoid Two Babies Coming at The Same Time?

May 17

Kaely Harrod 00:04
Welcome to doula Tips and Tits. This podcast is a place where we answer one question about doula work, both to support you and to help you support your clients. I'm Kaely Harrod. I've been supporting families in this perinatal space since my oldest was born 12 nearly 13 years ago. I am a birth and postpartum doula childbirth educator, La Leche League Leader and a doula coach. I love guiding and supporting doulas as they work out their doula business, it is a tremendous joy to be trusted in this way. Thank you for joining us on this journey. Welcome back to doula Tips and Tits. Today, we are diving into the question, what do I do to avoid two babies coming at the exact same time? Now, like many questions we have answered in the past, there is not just one answer to this. So I can't just say okay, everyone should do X. And that is how you avoid that. To be honest with you, there's not a foolproof way to make sure that you avoid this. And I don't say that to stress you out. But the reality is that babies do not care about your schedule and come whenever the heck they feel like it. And so the part of that that is really tricky is just learning to kind of hold, hold sort of like loose expectations of what it might look like. And also to have some solid game plans for handling both the stress but also the logistics of potentially having two babies come at the same time. Okay, so I want to talk a little bit about backup doulas, so that you have a sense of that portion of how you kind of manage babies coming at once. And then the next episode that you're going to hear from from this lovely podcast is all about handling spacing out due dates, because I think both of those things contribute to babies coming all at the same time. And again, you don't completely control it. So it's basically about you settling on the things that you can do something about, and learning to relax about the things that you have absolutely no control over. So the biggest thing in my mind in terms of baby races, which is what I affectionately call and lots of people affectionately call babies coming all at the same time, is to have a solid and secure backup system. Now that looks different for everyone. So what I'm not going to say to you today is you have to have a backup system exactly like mine, or exactly like so. And so or whatever, that is not the case, you do not need to do this work exactly like anyone else. And that's of course, a message that you keep hearing from me over and over and over. And you'll hear it from me again, because it's an important message, I think. So I don't want to just say like here is a way to do backups. And this is the only way to do it. Because that's not a thing. However, I do want you to be intentional about how you set up the backup system that you have. Lots of people have a backup system that is kind of informal and involves a like loose agreement with a couple different doulas where you're essentially saying, Hey, you function similar to me. I would really love it if you would be willing for me to call you in the middle of the night if I have two babies coming in at the same time. And is it okay with you if I kind of like check in if I have that happening, and see if you're available for backup. So that's one option. Another option that some people do is to actually have a dedicated backup for every doula client. Now, I will say that this doesn't feel as feasible to me in my business at this point, in part because as a doula, I don't feel like I don't love the thought of being an entire backup system for someone personally. And so I don't like to put that on someone else if it's not something that I'm willing to do myself. And so part of what I want you to think about is what makes you feel the most comfortable. What do you think your clients would be the most comfortable with? And what do you even have the option for? So I live in DC, many of you who listen already know that. So I have access to a lot of doulas, which means I can have a list of probably 10 folks that I could call. I do have a list of 10. Folks, I could call and ask if I had two babies coming at the same time, those same 10 People know that they can call me and ask if they have a baby coming at the same time. Now it doesn't mean that we're all always available for each other, right? Because there are times when one of our clients is also in labor or we have a family thing that's like super important and we can't miss it. And those kinds of things are just part of this life, right. But also, you can have a system where or at least I'm able in this area to have a system where I can essentially have a list of folks that are my first second third, fourth call right. Now, I am fully aware that if you're in a more rural area with fewer doulas, you maybe have less folks who you can have on a list like that. However, if there's anybody else in your area, that is a doula I would strongly encourage getting to know that person so that you can have that kind of network. Now, some folks feel better about the fact that they're kind of paying a backup doula retainer fee, some folks feel better knowing that they have a dedicated backup who their clients can meet, and can be like, okay, if I'm not there at your birth, it will be this person. And knowing, of course, that we don't control life. And so there are still minor possibilities of it not being that person, but also that the possibility of you being not free, and that other birth person being not free is way less likely than then them getting a backup in the first place is already relatively unlikely. So the first thing I want you to think about is who would be someone that you could call. Now, if you're like, I don't know, Kaylee, I know nobody, right. I would recommend if you live in an area where there's like a social media presence of doulas. If there's a birth worker group, something like that, just go on that group and be like, hey, I need some backup doulas. So I'm looking to meet some people, right? If you're thinking like I mainly serve clients who are, you know, in a particular community who are Spanish speaking, for instance, so I need some doulas who can be backup for me, who are Spanish speaking? If you are that person, can we meet up? Can I buy you coffee? Can we chat for a little bit about this? If you're just like, I want to meet some people, because I don't have anybody that I know and I'd love to have backup doulas. In my experience, many doulas are very open to that. So reach out and kind of put yourself out there and get to know some folks so that you can have that support for your own peace of mind and also for your clients peace of mind. Okay. Now, next episode, I'm going to dive into what does it look like to have like space between due dates, and there is not a perfect science to that as you can imagine. But I'll talk a little bit about the nuance there and how to set yourself up well for spacing out due dates, as well. Okay, so stay tuned for that episode. If this has been helpful, it would be so helpful to me and this podcast if you would leave a quick review, or a rating on the app that you're listening on. And share it with your favorite tidbit on social media so that more people learn about the podcast and are able to listen and benefit from it. Thank you in advance for all of that wonderful support of my work and my podcast. And I will see you in the next episode. Thanks for joining us for this episode of the doula Tips and Tips podcast. If you learned something today or had an aha moment, we'd love for you to share that on Instagram and tag us at Herat doula, so we can celebrate alongside you. If you found this podcast helpful. We would so appreciate you taking a second to leave a rating and review on your favorite podcast app that helps other doulas find us as we do this work together. This podcast is intended as educational and entertainment it is not medical advice or business advice. Please consult your own medical or legal team for your own needs around

Avoiding a baby race is the aim of doulas near and far! Two babies coming at once when they are not both due at once is a contingency that a doula has to plan for, even if it’s unlikely, and even if it’s fairly rare. Having a solid backup system that works well and is full of trustworthy doulas is the biggest key in this regard.

This episode and next will dive into having backup systems and also spacing out due dates. Today’s episode is talking about different ways to secure backup doulas and what that looks like for various doulas.

To be honest with you, there's not a foolproof way to make sure that you avoid this. And I don't say that to stress you out. But the reality is that babies do not care about your schedule and come whenever the heck they feel like it. Then the next episode that you're going to hear from this lovely podcast is all about handling spacing out due dates, because I think both of those things contribute to babies coming all at the same time. And again, you don't completely control it. So it's basically about you settling on the things that you can do something about, and learning to relax about the things that you have absolutely no control over.

Key Takeaways:

You need to have doulas ready to be backup for you
In order to do that you need to be willing to BE backup as well
Get to know doulas who are similar to you in how they work and their philosophy of birth
Build backup support into your contract

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https://www.tiktok.com/@doulacoach

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Kaely Daily is produced by Kaely Harrod of Harrod Doula Services

It is sponsored by The Birth Prep Blueprint Childbirth Class

Music by Madirfan: Hidden Place on Pixabay