How Do You Manage Regular Life Stuff While Being On Call?
-
Kaely Harrod 00:04
Welcome to doula Tips and Tips. This podcast is a place where we answer one question about doula work, both to support you and to help you support your clients. I'm Kaylee Herat. I've been supporting families in this perinatal space since my oldest was born 12 nearly 13 years ago. I am a birth and postpartum doula childbirth educator, lovely cheerleader and a doula coach. I love guiding and supporting doulas as they work out their doula business. It is a tremendous joy to be trusted in this way. Thank you for joining us on this journey. Hello, and welcome back. Today we are diving into a question that I heard in a couple of different ways over the last couple of weeks as I was completing the doula strategy calls and getting to chat with a bunch of doulas who are newer and kind of getting their businesses started. So the question today is, how do you manage regular life stuff while being on call? Now, there's a couple of different layers to this, right. Like on the one hand, we're talking about vacations and time off, and you can go back to my episode on burnout around, taking time off, and that sort of thing. I'm gonna I'm gonna link that in the show notes. Because there is something to like setting intentional time off nine months in advance, for instance, before anyone is pregnant for that time. But also this plays into like, appointments that you have, and important meetings that you have. The masterclass I was teaching, right. Like things like that, that you're like, Gosh, I really don't want to miss this. But also, what if someone goes into labor, right? It also goes into when you have like spontaneous social events, or like weddings, or you know, things that you're like, Okay, I'm gonna be at this thing for maybe like the whole day, right? And there's a couple of different ways that this can be managed. I'll start by saying, when I was a brand new doula, I remember being pretty nervous about this, like I would be. I would just constantly be sort of like calibrating. Like, if I go to that target that's farther away, how long would it take me to get home and then to the hospital? Part of that was a lack of context for how quickly someone might need me, right? Because I was sort of like, oh, gosh, what if they call and they're like going into fast labor, and I have to be there in the next 20 minutes. The reality is, we don't control things in birth. And so if someone has that fast of a labor, I might not get there on time. Not that I wouldn't like run to try to get there. Right. But also, our clients understand that we're doing things like grocery shopping, right? Like that's like a regular part of our life that we're doing, even when someone is due, right. On the other side, like things, so So, so let me just finish that part. So I would say, some part of it gets easier, just because you have some context, right? And so there are times when you're like, oh, okay, man, amazing, you're in early labor, you're going to need me like tomorrow, right? Because of how the person sounds or feels, or whatever. And sometimes you're wrong. Sometimes you're right, depending on the scenario. But you also just generally get less stressed out about the timeframe has been my experience. The other thing is, the reality of life, is that there are appointments, etc, that come up that you did not expect to have. So for instance, I have kids, right. And sometimes my kids will have like, a super important meeting for school or a like, very important sort of medical thing, that I'm kind of like, okay, I have to be present for this. Right? What I usually do if I know I have someone do, I didn't get nine months warning about this medical appointment for my kid. And there's like a chance that this baby could come at that time, I do a few things. One is try to establish like, Is this something I have to go to? Or could my partner, her father also go or go instead of me, right? Ideally, we're both going or maybe like, ideally, I'm the person to take her. But for instance, he hates needles. And so he really does not love to do like bloodwork or vaccinations or things like that with the children. But he can do that if he needs to do it. If I have someone in labor, so that's a scenario where I don't have anyone on backup, because I'm like, Okay, well, if you have to you can do it, even though it's not your favorite thing, right. But let's say like I've had to do a couple of screenings this year. For my own health, and they've been sort of like, oh, this bloodwork thing is off. And so we want you to go get an ultrasound like this week. And so there's not a lot of, there's not a lot of pre warning, right? Where I can't be like, Oh, hey, guess what clients, like, I have to be off in the month of September or whatever. And so, there's that kind of stuff. I think our clients are very aware that our lives also include those things. And hopefully, you don't have clients who are jerks. And don't don't understand that and aren't aware of that. Right. Um, I always make sure I have a good support of other doulas. And that looks like a few different things. Sometimes it looks like me saying, hey, if I have someone go into labor on Friday, are you available from four to five or four to six or whatever? Because I have this ultrasound that I have to go to? I don't think I'll need you. But if I do need you, could you cover for me, right? And sometimes it looks like telling clients like, Hey, listen, I have to have a biopsy done. It's gonna take me out for a whole day. And so I had this scenario, actually, last year, I had to have a thyroid biopsy. Thankfully, it came back fine. But I knew like this between the time of the procedure and the like potential bruising and all of that, like, maybe I'd be out for a day. So I let my client who was do know, like, Hey, listen, I have this appointment on Monday. I don't think that it will impact your labor. But if it does, this is what I have set up, I have someone on call for you, you know, et cetera, et cetera. And they were very understanding, they were like, amazing. Okay, thank you so much. We hope everything's fine, right? We hope your thyroid biopsy comes back normal, you know, and it did, thankfully, and the baby did not come that day. And so it was really a non issue, right. But I also then wasn't super stressed when I went to that appointment, because I knew if they went into labor, I had someone ready to support them, you know. So I do think having good support as backups is a super, super, super important part of this work both logistically and also for your mental health. Because you will lose your mind a little bit if you feel like you have to be constantly present, even if your family has something incredibly important, or there's some kind of emergency etc. The other thing is to sort of have a sense of what needs to never be rescheduled and what needs to be rescheduled, right. So, for instance, when I have like just a routine, follow up with my own doctor, I can really easily reschedule that. So if I have someone in labor, my primary care doctor knows that I'm a doula. And occasionally I'm like, sorry, Dr. B, I can't come, you know. And she's like, awesome, have a great birth, you know, and thankfully, she's incredibly understanding about that. There are other appointments that I need to be on. So I can't cancel them if someone's in labor, but I can usually still go to them. Because typically, labor kind of spaces enough to be able to do that. Now when we're thinking about like social events, right, so let's say I have someone in early labor, but a friend wants to go to dinner, right? I had this actually play out at one point, I had someone in early labor, and a friend wanted to meet me for lunch. And I was like, Okay, well, my clients in early labor will see like, you know, thankfully, it was a friend that was very, very understanding about the fact that I might have to eat and run. And so like, all the way up to lunchtime, I'm texting my client, I'm texting with my friend. I'm like driving to the hill in DC, and my clients like, things are kind of picking up. And I'm saying to my friend, like, this might be the fastest lunch we've ever had. Right? And she's laughing like, she was just like, okay, that's fine. You know, I was gonna have you go shopping with me, but nevermind. I guess we'll just eat and you'll run to the hospital. And it was probably halfway through lunch that my client was like, Okay, I think we're ready for you. And I was like, Okay, great. I'm gonna be there soon. Like, I already had all my stuff with me. You know, I already knew I was in my clothes to go to the birth. I knew I might be running straight over. So I knew how long it would take me to get there. I didn't go like an hour away for lunch, right? Like I went into the city and she was also giving birth farther into the city. So it was kind of on my way.
Kaely Harrod 09:39
And so, so that like, scenario played out where I got this really short but fun lunch with my friend, but also like way shorter time than we would have normally spent together. Because I had to run off to the birth right. And on the other side, like if that felt really stressful for me, one method to handle that is just to know I schedule the lunch or to to, you know, say that I can't go because I have someone in early labor, right? I really think this is something that we have to give ourselves lots of freedom to sort of troubleshoot a little bit and test it out and feel how we feel about it. Because the reality is that we all are going to feel a little different at different times, like there have been births for me, where I'm like, I'm not going anywhere, because I know you have fast babies, and I want to leave for you the second, you go into labor, right? And there are ones that I'm like, It's fine, we're gonna go out to dinner, and probably no babies are going to come. Sometimes that's true. Sometimes that's not true. When I know someone's do, I do always have kind of an exit strategy, right? Like, my family, because we live in DC, we own one car. But we live really close to many bus lines, and we can get to the Metro pretty easily. And so if we're going somewhere, and I'm like, Okay, well, I might have to take the car to the hospital, we have a plan for my family getting back home, right? On the flip side, if we're going somewhere, and they're going to need the car, we have a plan for me getting like a lift or something like that to go to my client. And so sometimes it is reassuring enough to have that sort of backup plan where it's like, okay, well, we'll, I'll go out and do this thing. And in the event that someone goes into labor, I have all my stuff ready, I'll just grab myself and go, this is how we're planning to do that. Right? If that feels incredibly stressful, to the point that you can't enjoy the social thing. That's okay to also say, No, the reality is that sometimes all the babies come, and then you're like, Oh, I actually have no one do for five or six weeks. And then you can schedule all kinds of fun social stuff, right? Because you can be like, Hey, I'm free guys until like the middle of April, can who's free like who wants to hang out, you know, and it sort of comes in ebb. And it ebbs and flows right in the midst of a business, but also in the midst of being on call. I do say, and I want to reiterate that having some times when you are not on call, is so incredibly important. And as a person who has run my own business by myself, right, so I'm, I'm a team of one at this point. I've worked with agencies I've, you know, worked in like, different group kind of settings. But at this point, I am a solopreneur, right, like I work by myself. Now I have an amazing VA, who recently joined my team, and I'm thrilled to have her but but she's not doing doula work, of course, you know. And so one of the things I think, is super, super, super important is to know sometimes that you could not get called in. And when I was first starting out, I remember being like, how could I possibly do that? Because I need this business to bring in a certain amount of money. I live in DC, the cost of living is super expensive. I have three kids that eat like grownups, you know, like, they want to eat food all the time. So we have all these different expenses, right? And I remember just thinking, There's no way I'll get to a point of having the financial stability, of being able to take time off. And the truth is, last year, I took off the month of July for beat like wealth for on call work. And financially, it was tough, you know, but also mental health wise, physical health wise, sleep wise, it was glorious. So from since then, until now, so I'm recording this in March. I have basically had in my, in my planner, like, I will be off in July. How am I going to make that happen? Right. Now, it's not that I don't do any work ever in July, it's that I don't have birth clients, because I don't want to be running to a due date during July. And so. So this year, I'm being a little bit more strategic about how to make sure financially it doesn't have the same impact on my business. But I know that I have to have it in part because of how awesome it was last year to have an entire 30 days to know that not one single baby was do right. So truly I cannot emphasize enough the need for that time off for your mental capacity for your emotional capacity for your physical pasty like all of those things. And also, I completely understand that sometimes that feels really financially a big financial leap, right? Like really financially out of reach. But I would take that conversation back to are you charging enough in your business to be able to build in time off, right? Because if you're not, you're also on a path to faster burnout, I'll just be frank with you, right? Like that is the reality of not building that into your business. And in the same way that you want to build in being able to pay for parking, or tolls or food while you're at a berth, and all of that kind of stuff. You need to build in the ability to be off call, so that you get a break. And you can I mean, for me, right, I'm like, uh, what appointments Should I have in July? Because I'm not gonna have anybody do. And so I am going to logistically kind of use some of that time, right. But we also plan to visit family. And that's something wonderful because they don't live in this area. My family does not live here. And so being able to be actually out of town is huge as well. So that's a part of why we're taking that time. So I hope this was helpful. I would love to hear from you what your biggest struggle is in terms of timing and having people on call, et cetera. This question also came straight from one of my Doula coaching strategy calls and so Shana, I appreciate that. This is the question that you asked when we were emailing back and forth. And I would love to have a question from you on the podcast. So please do go ahead and send me your questions. And I'm happy to fit them into this year's schedule so that you get those answered, because it would benefit you and the other doulas that are listening. So I hope that you enjoyed the last three episodes that were all about my my first group of coaching clients. My new coaching cohort that opens March 28, has has started to fill and I am so pumped about it, guys, I'm super excited, because this work is just awesome. I really love it. So there's more information about that in the show notes if you want to be in that if you want some info about that book a quick call with me and I'd be happy to talk about it more. All right, I'll see you in the next episode.
Kaely Harrod 17:45
Thanks for joining us for this episode of the doula Tips and Tips podcast. If you learned something today or had an aha moment, we'd love for you to share that on Instagram and tag us at Herat doula, so we can celebrate alongside you. If you found this podcast helpful. We would so appreciate you taking a second to leave a rating and review on your favorite podcast app that helps other doulas find us as we do this work together. This podcast is intended as educational and entertainment it is not medical advice or business advice. Please consult your own medical or legal team for your own needs around
From vacations to dinners with friends to Dr appointments for yourself or loved ones, there are things in life that you need to attend! How do you do that when you’re on call as a doula? This is a tricky part of our work; I’ll be the first to admit that! There’s a reason people buy shirts that say “unless I’m at a birth”!
Like so many other episodes there is not just one answer here. There are a few strategies to employ. The main thing is to evaluate how you’re being impacted by the stress level of being on call and making sure you are responding to that appropriately. This episode dives into everything from planning ahead to having good backup doulas and communication skills with your family and clients!
Episodes Mentioned:
Episode 101: How Do I Take Time Off As a Doula?
https://www.harroddoulaservices.com/kaely-daily-podcast/how-do-i-take-time-off-as-a-doula
Episode 95: Doula Burnout: What Do My Number of Working Hours Have To Do With Burnout?
https://www.harroddoulaservices.com/kaely-daily-podcast/how-do-i-take-time-off-as-a-doula
Key Takeaways:
Schedule things like vacations in advance before you have people due!
For other appointments have backup when that appointment is essential
Determine what is actually essential
When someone is imminently due, have an exit strategy when you have plans!
CONNECT with Kaely on TikTok or Instagram
https://www.tiktok.com/@doulacoach
https://www.instagram.com/Harroddoula/
This podcast is hosted by the Birth Prep Blueprint - comprehensive Childbirth Education for expectant parents to feel calm, prepared and confident about labor and birth. Podcast listeners (that’s YOU!) get 10% off! Use the link below and coupon code PODCAST
https://www.harroddoulaservices.com/birth-prep-blueprint
** The Birth Prep Blueprint is offered for only $20 to anyone who qualifies for any kind of social services (meaning that a family has a lower income to the point that they would qualify for WIC or SNAP or Medicaid, etc.). No need to disclose your income, just which service you qualify for and the link can be sent right over. Just email kaely@harroddoulaservices.com to learn more.
If you like this episode, don't forget to share it to your Instagram stories and tag me @harroddoula
Kaely Daily is produced by Kaely Harrod of Harrod Doula Services
It is sponsored by The Birth Prep Blueprint Childbirth Class
Music by Madirfan: Hidden Place on Pixabay
