Rerun: What if I Don’t Know Everything?
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Transcript
Welcome back to Doula Tips and Tits. Today, you're listening to another one of our reruns. One of our most popular episodes in the last two and a half years is What Happens If I Don't Know Everything?
Now, as a doula, I know, especially if you're new, it can feel very vulnerable to not know everything, but I wanna just reassure you that none of us know everything. This is the line of work that we are constantly learning, and it is not something where we all know everything that there is to know or anybody knows.
Everything there is to know. So enjoy this episode, and I will see you in the next one. Welcome to Dula Tips and Tits. This podcast is a place where we answer one question about doula work, both to support you and to help you support your clients.
I'm Kaylee Harrod. I've been supporting families in this perinatal space since my oldest was born, 12, nearly 13 years ago. I am a birth and postpartum doula, childbirth educator, La Leche League leader, and a doula coach.
I love guiding and supporting doulas as they work out their doula business. It is a tremendous joy to be trusted in this way. Thank you for joining us on this journey. Hello, welcome back. Today, we are diving into what happens if I don't know everything.
Now, this might sound super vague, and that is because it is. I want to talk about this in context of all different kinds of doula work. So let's say, for instance, you have a birth doula, and they're your very first birth doula client, not birth doula.
As a doula, you have your very first birth doula client, and you are gearing up for your first prenatal, and you're kind of like, oh, what if they ask me a question I don't know the answer to, right?
And I want to, I'm gonna give you some answers to that. The other side of this is, let's say you're a postpartum doula, and you're like, okay, I'm gonna start going to this overnight or doing this daytime shift, and I am thinking the same thing.
What if they ask me a question, and I don't actually know the answer? That's okay, okay, that is fine. Here's what I want you to remember. First of all, nobody, even experts, know everything about their field, right?
There is not a time when someone has arrived at full and complete knowledge of one single subject. There is always something to learn and grow in. So you not knowing the answer to something is okay. It's normal.
Lots of us have to look things up. Lots of us don't know the answer. I regularly have students ask me the most random questions that I'm like, I don't know that, and maybe I'm gonna go down a rabbit trail of finding that information out now because you're the first person that's ever asked me that in my life, and so I wanna know what the answer is, and then I will share it with you.
And they are perfectly happy with that. Nobody expects you to know every single thing. Now, aside from that, just affirmation of like, I don't know everything and that's okay, which I think is worthwhile all on its own.
I also want you to think about a couple different things to sort of set yourself up well, right? So let's say you're going into a prenatal visit, and you're like, oh, what if they have questions about the birth plan or questions about this thing or that thing or whatever?
I would say a few different things. One is set the tone, the expectation, that you're collecting their questions to be able to respond to them, and that you're kind of sharing information. So it's sort of a both, both of those things, right?
So one thing that I do after prenatal visits is send some follow -up information. Now, this is, excuse me, this is true no matter what, that I always say like, okay, you know, I'm gonna send you, you're gonna get an email from me at the end of this visit and we're, you know, it's gonna have whatever, whatever, whatever in it.
So if you say right from the beginning, I want you to know that at the end of this time together, I'm gonna like send you information about the things you have questions on. We're gonna make sure you kind of have a well -rounded understanding of stuff, et cetera.
Then you're also setting them up with the expectation that what you're not doing is answering every single question they possibly have today. Because A, maybe you don't know all the answers to those questions today, and B, there's probably not time for that in one single prenatal visit.
So that's one way to sort of feel like you don't have to say, I don't know. But you can say, I'm gonna send you some information about that thing, right? The other thing is going in with some prep work of some of the most important things.
So I think if you're going in to help someone write a birth plan, you need to like have researched birth plans a bit, right? And so have a sense of what people put on them and why. That's a good idea for you to do as a birth doula regardless.
So you can do some education to set yourself up. And also don't worry that you have to know every single item, right? But what I don't mean is please go into a prenatal visit not even knowing what a birth plan is.
No, don't do that either. But I know that that's not what you're doing. So that's not what we're really talking about when we answer this question. So in terms of postpartum care, I think there's a few different things to keep in mind.
One, there is a lot of nuance. Babies are individual people and there is not just one answer to most questions. Okay. So one super important thing that I cannot emphasize enough is that you need to know that there is a wide range of answers to most questions.
That means you need to have that context and you need to be able to help your families also have that context. So let's say for instance there someone saying to you, oh, what do you think I should do about naps?
Is it okay for a baby to sleep on me or should I always put them in their bed? It depends, right? How are you doing with the baby sleeping on you? Some people do every single nap as a contact nap. That's what we call a nap when a baby is on you.
Some people do every single nap with the baby in the bed. Some people do every single nap with the baby in like a bassinet or something like that. That's like not their crib, but still not on the person, right?
But neither of those are right or wrong. As long as they're all being done safely, there are lots of variety of right choices in that scenario. So in that case, you don't need to know which version to tell the people to do.
You need to know how to help them figure that out. So that's a different kind of skill set where it's not like you come in with a bunch of facts, but you come in with the ability to be like, well, how do you feel about contact naps?
Like, do you love them? Because if you love them and you're just worried that you're like messing your kid up, you're not messing your kid up and it's okay that you love them and it's okay to keep doing them.
If you're kind of like, I hate contact naps and I'm like so tired myself and I want to be able to sleep or I want to be able to shower, then we can talk about maybe let's find some strategies to help your baby sleep better in the bassinet, right?
Or in the bed or whatever. So part of that is not so much you having the right facts and it is you having the skill set to read the situation and provide an unbiased as possible kind of spectrum of responses, okay?
The other thing is, let's say you're going in very first postpartum visit with someone they gave birth like, you know, two days ago, then I think as a postpartum doula, you need to have a basic knowledge of the two days postpartum time, right?
So you at least have a sense of like, that's normal or this is not normal or I think you should be doing that or this or whatever. It doesn't mean that you have to have a robust personal experience with the second day postpartum, right?
But have a sense of like, how frequently should they be bleeding or should their pain be worse today or better today? If they had a c -section, like should they be able to walk up the stairs or not, right?
What kind of restrictions would they have on them? That is part of how you prepare yourself. However, let's say you get to a postpartum shift and someone's like, you know, I really want to eat bananas, but I'm not sure if they're going to be good or bad for my stomach.
Then you could be like, I'm not sure either. Let me look that up. And I, as a doula and as a parent who has now almost 13 years of experience in child rearing, I look things up almost every time I'm with a client because I don't know everything that's none of us know everything, right?
However, now I feel fine about that. I used to be like, oh, and it'll look that up. I should know. I guess I should know that answer. And now I'm like, I don't know that. Let me look it up. Right. And I'm not saying I'm the standard because I am not what I'm saying is I want to normalize the fact that none of us know everything.
And even those of us who are incredibly experienced still look stuff up all the time. Okay. Now, um, I am going to dive into on another episode, like what sorts of things in terms of resources I think are helpful.
So in order to just kind of get you started on like, where are you even finding incredible information that is super important. Um, but I wanted to just spend today kind of talking through how it's completely normal to not know everything and how to sort of manage that.
So I also realized that this has a lot of nuance. So I would really, really love to be able to talk this out with you a bit. Now I know I, um, have said this on past episodes. So if you are listening through a couple of different episodes, you're going to hear this multiple times, but I would love for you to connect with me.
The easiest way to do that is on Instagram or on TikTok. And, um, both of that, both of those links, that information is all in the show notes. Also, if you love this podcast, the very best thing for me is for you to leave a review because it's so helpful for other people to find the podcast.
If there is a review or rating, now it's different on every platform, but if you're listening from Apple, which I know most people are, then you can actually just do a quick rating there or add a review.
If you feel so inclined, I would be so happy, um, to see that. And also I would be happy to share it, um, and kind of give you some exposure too. So until next time, I wish you wonderful, lovely doula experiences.
We'll talk soon. Thanks for joining us for this episode of the doula tips and tits podcast. If you learned something today or had an aha moment, we'd love for you to share that on Instagram and tag us at hurrah doula so we can celebrate alongside you.
If you found this podcast helpful, we would so appreciate you taking a second to leave a rating and a review on your favorite podcast app that helps other doulas find us as we do this work together. This podcast is intended as educational and entertainment.
It is not medical advice or business advice. Please consult your own medical or legal team for your own needs around your health and your business. We'll see you again soon.
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As a doula, I know, especially if you're new, it can feel very vulnerable to not know everything, but I wanna just reassure you that none of us know everything. This is a line of work where we are constantly learning, and it is not something where we all know everything that there is to know or anybody knows.
Quote from the show:
“What if they ask me a question, and I don't actually know the answer? That's okay, okay, that is fine. Here's what I want you to remember. First of all, nobody, even experts, know everything about their field, right? Lots of us have to look things up. Lots of us don't know the answer. I regularly have students ask me the most random questions that I'm like, I don't know that, and maybe I'm gonna go down a rabbit trail of finding that information out now because you're the first person that's ever asked me that in my life, and so I wanna know what the answer is, and then I will share it with you.”
I mention the ability to book coaching calls with me. Those can be found below:
30 Minute Coaching:
https://calendly.com/harroddoula/doula-coaching-30-minutes?preview_source=et_card&month=2024-06
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https://calendly.com/harroddoula/doula-coaching-one-off?month=2024-06
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Kaely Daily is produced by Kaely Harrod of Harrod Doula Services
It is sponsored by The Birth Prep Blueprint Childbirth Class
Music by Madirfan: Hidden Place on Pixabay
