How Can a Doula Get Over the Fear of Networking With Providers?

• Transcript

  Kaely Harrod 00:04

  Welcome to doula Tips and Tits. This podcast is a place where we answer one question about doula work, both to support you and to help you support your clients. I'm Kaely Harrod. I've been supporting families in this perinatal space since my oldest was born 12 nearly 13 years ago. I am a birth and postpartum doula childbirth educator, La Leche League Leader and a doula coach. I love guiding and supporting doulas as they work out their doula business. It is a tremendous joy to be trusted in this way. Thank you for joining us on this journey. Hello, and welcome back to doula Tips and Tits. I have my final guest of this series of guests who is not another provider, but another doula. So she is one of us, which I'm so excited about. I wanted to end this whole series of referring to providers and what kind of providers to refer to and why with talking to a doula who has recently kind of overcome the fear of connecting with providers and a brand new place. So the doula we have on today is Mary Martin, she and I met in the spring time, I feel like Yeah, over some, like some of the doula coaching stuff that I was doing is how we initially connected. And we're able to talk about the fact that she recently relocated to she was in the DC area where I am, well, not quite not DC, but no Northern Virginia just outside Yeah, close to DC, and then relocated and needed to kind of work on building up people's familiarity with her and her referral network in her new place. So that's why she's here today to get to chat about that process and how it's intimidating, right, but also totally doable. And so Mary, I would love for you to tell us a little bit about how you became a doula and kind of how you got to where you are now.

  Mary 02:03

  Sure, yeah. Thank you for having me on the podcast. And yeah, so I became a doula I certified about just over three years ago now, became a doula and a childbirth educator at that time, and I was still working in other full time work. And so about a year ago, I moved to a new area, and also shifted from part time doula childbirth, educating to trying to make it my more full time thing. So big changes for me about a year ago, and just shortly before we connected, yeah,

  Kaely Harrod 02:44

  yeah. Well, and I think those are big changes, even if you haven't just relocated. Yes,

  Mary 02:50

  yes, definitely.

  Kaely Harrod 02:52

  And I could be remembering this wrong, but I feel like you shared when we first chatted that you're like, right, when I moved, I started getting the like, repeat clients and like things that take some year?

  Mary 03:07

  Yes, yes, I did. So I think it was, yeah, I moved in August. And then it was like I had a client reach out in September, and another one, maybe October. And so yeah, yes. Right. When I'm in the heat of like, I'm in a totally new place. And I know nobody. I'm seeing how, where would I have been had I just stayed?

  Kaely Harrod 03:29

  Yeah, yes. And that can be hard. Because I think in business, it is easy to do. What's easy, right? Yeah, sounds really true. But like, I think, you know, my mother is constantly talking to me about wanting me to move closer to her. And she's like, people have babies here. And I'm like, it's not that simple. You don't just like arrive, and like, I'll be your doula.

  Mary 03:55

  That's so true. Like, I

  Kaely Harrod 03:57

  have felt this up for years here in DC, you know, so right is extra intimidating to leave when you're just at the cusp of that kind of momentum gain in terms of your career. You know, our Yeah, I mean, you're working. So yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So the purpose of this is to really dive into like, how did you overcome some of your angst about reaching out to providers, and so I would love for you to share whatever feels helpful about that. Because I know that was a big piece. I loved getting your like, like celebration email of like I did. Yes. I talked to people, it made me very happy. But also that's why you came to mind, right? It's like you did come this and you're seeing the fruits of that labor. And so I'd love for you to share kind of what was that process like for you?

  Mary 04:52

  Yeah, um, so I think the biggest kind of turning point I had was really a perspective shift. And you definitely helped me with that. But it was, I've been thinking of it in terms of the I've been a doula long enough that I'm comfortable with the doula work most of the time, you know, I mean, there's always those moments where you're like, oh, gosh, what do I do now? Mostly, I love supporting clients. I love the work of being a doula. But I was feeling really stuck on the building connections, the business steps, some of those things, and I think my focus had gotten really on to well, what you know, nobody knows me here. I'm, you know, there's already there are doulas here? And are they you know, do do Am I even needed here? I guess it's kind of really where I'd ended up mentally. And so I think through some of the conversations we had, and then you did a little series about just kind of like newer doulas, and business 101 type series. Yeah. And it really struck me that so a couple ideas. One was just I do have things to offer in the space. And and I think that's true of anyone who's a doula and who's doing this work, right. Like it is a serving, giving kind of a job, and you were drawn to it, because you have something to offer. And so kind of just looking at it from that perspective instead. And then, as I approached other businesses, or you know, I, it was kind of twofold. For me, one, I was trying to connect with other doulas in this area, and, and then just kind of birth adjacent businesses. So chiropractors and kind of reproductive health therapists and massage therapists and kind of everybody like whoever I could find, I was just trying to figure that out. And I really realized that I didn't have to go into those businesses, like with my handout, like, Here I am, I need your help with something, I could walk into those businesses with something to offer. And for me, that mindset shift, just totally changed my whole approach. And eliminated, virtually eliminated by fear of it. So and then, so I kind of just committed to doing that. In a over a course of a couple of weeks, I was like, Okay, I am going to this place. And I just made my list. This is my circle around the city. And I am just walking in the door, and whatever I find, I'm just gonna see what happens. And I had so and I had a day where I did I hit like six different people. And it was the whole range. Like one place I showed up and the door was unlocked, and there wasn't a soul in there. So I, you know, I kind of picked up some cards and waited around a few minutes. And then I was like, All right, nobody here Guess I'm walking out. And then I connected with some other people who were just I mean, I got so that was that first one very neutral response. No living humans there. But then everyone else I connected to incredibly positive, warm and welcoming. And, and some we had like a five minute great conversation. And some we've had like, follow on contacts. That's been great. And some they were like, Oh, I have a client logging in. I can't really talk to you right now and whatever. But there was, it was all it just felt so good. Just really good to connect.

  Kaely Harrod 08:58

  I love that. And I think part of what I love about it is one thing that I say like a broken record is just do it. Like just try it. Yeah. Yeah. And I think it is so much easier to overcome that fear. When you don't feel like you're going in being like, please give me a client. You know, instead you're like, hey, I want to meet you. I want you to meet me. We both offer great services we should know about each other.

  Mary 09:27

  Yes, exactly. Yep.

  Kaely Harrod 09:29

  Yeah. Like, please, please, please like me.

  Mary 09:33

  Right? Exactly. Like I was like, you know, I'm building my client list for this area. Because I've been a doula while but I'm new to this area. So I'm gonna meet chiropractors or whoever, you know, whoever I was talking to, so I can put you on my referral list. And yeah, that just totally changed how I felt about the whole interaction. Yeah,

  Kaely Harrod 09:55

  I think it also helps because sometimes as especially newer do was but like in your situation, right? You're new to that area. Yeah helps to also put you firmly in the space of being a business CEO, right? Like you're a business owner, where like, you don't walk into a little shop there and think like, Who are you just like a random. Like, you're like, Oh, you own this place. You started this business, this is your company. And sometimes one because we usually don't have physical locations, but to because sometimes we're like, yeah, I love to do law. But the business isn't real. I'm not really a business person. Yeah, so we do have to kind of live in that space to be able to be like, hey, I want my business to connect with your business. Yeah. And it's, you just sort of have to flex that muscle, right? Like, it's just a practice sort of thing. Yeah,

  Mary 10:47

  yep. It really is. Yep. And I think the other kind of mindset shift that was also really key for me was, I was just open to anything, and not to commit to anything, but to just have a conversation with anyone willing to talk to me. And so like, there, there are some local Facebook or social media groups that is, so if somebody was like, hey, you know, I posted on there that I'd like to meet other birth workers in the area and connected with some people that way. And then met in person, because I really value establishing some of those in person connections. But yeah, kind of whatever. You know, I'll meet anyone for coffee and a 30 minute chat, right. And then some of those grow into great connections and have become now a few months later, even friendships, and then others, maybe nothing came of it. But but it was great. Like, just, it gets so much easier. By doing it, it gets easier to do it. And then, you know, intuition can play in like, what do I want to pursue and commit to? Oh, sorry, there's my dog.

  Kaely Harrod 12:04

  My children are getting louder and louder as we did.

  Mary 12:10

  So that's been really, really helpful. Also, yeah, yeah. I'm kind of giving myself the freedom to do that, like, sure. I'll meet anyone for coffee, and then we'll see what happens. Yeah. And kind of taking the pressure off it. It doesn't have to be a life changing relationship. It's just copy.

  Kaely Harrod 12:29

  Yes. I love that. Because some like, I think that speaks to also, like taking one brave step, and that making some momentum for you, right? Because yes, if that first time you're like, Yeah, I'm gonna have coffee with a stranger, and maybe it'll be weird or awkward. Or maybe I'll be like, You are not someone I want to be friends with. But like, that's okay. You know, like, worst case scenario, you don't like the person and then you leave? Don't do it again, you know, right. Yep. But it gets like more and more easy to do, and to even offer it to even be willing to do it as you do that, you know, and I think that's a big deal. When you're a business owner, the only way to be successful is to have some marketing, you know, and that has to be primarily from you. And it has to be your willingness to be like, Hey, I own a business like, yeah, you know, I got a very basic level. That's kind of where you need to start from, you know, so yeah, yeah. So I would love to, we don't have much time, because I'm trying to keep it kind of short. But I would love for you to share. What are your biggest wins in the last year in part, because I'm just like, so excited about the ones I know. Yes. But like you relocated almost a full year ago when this episode comes out. And you started with nobody, no doula work in Virginia Beach. Correct. Right.

  Mary 14:04

  That's right. Yep. I don't know. A single. Well, did I even know a person here? No, I don't think humans like no humans. No humans.

  Kaely Harrod 14:16

  You're over your only pain point.

  Mary 14:19

  Exactly. Yep. So we planted ourselves down here. And yeah, so a certain amount of the first few months was kind of just figuring out the life stuff. First. Kids had to go to school, and I had to find the grocery store. And so those things had to happen. Yeah, so then, I so I got my first client in May, which was, you know, that was a huge win. And I felt like oh my gosh, amazing. And that was kind of a random, like the internet just connected us and didn't happen. So I have no explanation for that. But it was wonderful. And by Now, you know, I've attended that birth and it was wonderful. And it was so good that I another big win was again, like just through one of these random, like, group of local doulas on social media, people just pop questions in there. And somebody asks, Does anyone have the plum tree preparing for birth materials? Like I'm sure one book and I have a class in three hours? And I just replied and was like, Yes, actually, I do. And turned out to this doula was 10 minutes from me where she was teaching your class. So I dropped the book off on my way to take my kids to soccer that day. And so that was a fun connection. We talked for like three minutes. But six weeks later, this doula had a serious health problem and needed backup for a couple of births. And I ended up stepping in for her and attending two births that were just amazing. And oh, yeah. And so that was like, just this random, like, few minutes of my time. Yeah. And then it turned into two births. And I got to go to a hospital. I hadn't been to yet here. And I got to connect with some homebirth midwives I hadn't met before. And it was like, just, I mean, I never would have predicted that out of giving somebody one book I had, it would lead to all that. Right. Yeah. And then, and then just one more when I so I've been trying to get a group childbirth class going, and I was super intimidated by like, bam, now I don't need to just find a client, I need like people to attend, or this isn't a girl. So yeah, but building on the connections I've made. I had my first session of that group class last night with five couples. I love it. I know. And it felt so good. I love it so much. It just reaffirmed how much I love teaching. And just stepping into that role more fully was, is really great. And two, so two of the five couples had hired me as their doula before the class started, like, and then at the end of the first class, that Two more dead? Of course they did. So that filled up or you know, it's starting to fill my class schedule. And I still have some availability. Ultimately, I'd like to have a few more clients per month than I have right now. But this growth is happening. And I love it. I'm just so so excited

  Kaely Harrod 17:41

  about how I feel like that fifth couple no pressure, but there Yeah, right. Like, you're really going to be the only one. So don't hire. You want to be those people.

  Mary 17:56

  So good. Yeah, it's really fun.

  Kaely Harrod 17:59

  I really love that because I think in this work, there is a certain amount of it that can be calculated, right? Like I'm making these relationships. And because of those relationships, I sometimes get called as a backup, you know, and that. But honestly, a big part of it is like you don't know that giving that doula that childbirth Ed book is going to result in you attending to births where you meet providers, you don't know, you start making connections with those folks like that kind of connection, you can't predict. Right? Right. It also won't happen if you don't put yourself out there. And exactly generous, right? During that book. So in like, Hey, I'm willing to show up in these spaces and answer these questions or, you know, go talk to this random person or right, whatever. And, and we just don't know how that is going to play out. And in the doula world, referrals are huge. So the more you know, people, the higher the chance that you're going to start hearing like, oh, yeah, this random chiropractor had your card on their table, and you're like, Oh, right. I was two years ago, you know, like losing? Yes. So that I think, is massive, because it's, it feels really intimidating to start it, you know, because it's not like I put this much energy in and I'm gonna get this kind of return. But that is huge when it starts to happen. Because oftentimes, doula work, when you get kind of established in a place is like, 99% referrals, because people know you, and they trust you. And so they send you their people, you know, right. And you're starting to build there, which is massive. You know, I didn't even know you had all those clients

  Mary 19:47

  that makes me so I know, I know. I mean, that's kind of just happened since we really last so I

  Kaely Harrod 19:53

  love it. And I don't want to like interrupt everything that you're saying by being like yay, yeah. Oh, that is American see that I'm rejoicing the triangle. So I want to go ahead and wrap up just so that our episode doesn't go on forever because Mary and I could chat we like

  Mary 20:16

  we really

  Kaely Harrod 20:18

  that way. But I will share Mary's social media with you all and then her website with you all. I think it's my kind of thought in this episode is more so that I want newer doulas that are listening to be inspired like it is hard. It's intimidating. It's sometimes embarrassing. Sometimes you feel kind of silly, you know. But it's necessary. Like if you want to do this work as a doula, you have to embrace the fact that you are a business owner to and then really kind of step into that space, you know? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Well, I so appreciate you taking the time to do this part. So I'm glad to be here. Yes. And we need to have like virtual coffee sometimes. Yes, I think so. And that fifth client hires you write? Let me know. For everyone listening, this is the end of this series of providers. And so we're going to go into some other series coming up. But I hope that this kind of July and early August time has been really beneficial for you. And I would also love to hear what are the providers that have been most helpful, what things are things that you're kind of taking away from this in terms of bravery, reaching out to connect with people? And I think doulas, like Mary who have done that, right, that's a perfect person, like, reach out to her right be like, hey, Mary, like a pep talk, you know, cuz she can celebrate with you. But she can also be like, Just do it. Like, just just pick a day, pick a place and go and be scared and do it anyway, you know? Yeah. And I think the more you, the more you normalize that the easier it gets, you know? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Okay. Well, thanks again, Mary. This has been wonderful. For everyone else. I'll see you on the next episode. Thanks for joining us for this episode of the doula Tips and Tips podcast. If you learned something today or had an aha moment, we'd love for you to share that on Instagram and tag us at Herat doula, so we can celebrate alongside you. If you found this podcast helpful. We would so appreciate you taking a second to leave a rating and a review on your favorite podcast app that helps other doulas find us as we do this work together. This podcast is intended as educational and entertainment it is not medical advice or business advice. Please consult your own medical or legal team for your own needs around

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In the world of birth work, imposter syndrome can be a common feeling among doulas. However, it is important to recognize and overcome this feeling in order to build strong networking connections with other providers. In this episode, we will explore how one doula overcame imposter syndrome and confidently networked with other birth professionals and providers.

We are wrapping this series up talking to a fellow doula. Mary is a doula I met through some of my free masterclasses for doulas. She is an inspiration regarding diving head-first into the hard, but necessary work of marketing yourself and making new connections! Mary moved away from the DC/NOVA area just as she was getting established as a doula here. She then needed to reestablish herself in Virginia Beach and really get connected there and she was afraid and trying to overcome her own internal gaslighting! Listen to hear her awesome story!

Quote from Mary:

“I think the biggest kind of turning point I had was really a perspective shift. And you definitely helped me with that. But it was, I've been thinking of it in terms of the I've been a doula long enough that I'm comfortable with the doula work most of the time, you know, I mean, there's always those moments where you're like, oh, gosh, what do I do now? Mostly, I love supporting clients. I love the work of being a doula. But I was feeling really stuck on the building connections, the business steps, some of those things, and I think my focus had gotten really on to well, what you know, nobody knows me here. I'm, you know, there's already there are doulas here? And are they you know, do do Am I even needed here? 

I guess it's kind of really where I'd ended up mentally. And so I think through some of the conversations we had, and then you did a little series about just kind of like newer doulas, and business 101 type series. Yeah. And it really struck me that so a couple ideas. One was just I do have things to offer in the space. And and I think that's true of anyone who's a doula and who's doing this work, right. Like it is a serving, giving kind of a job, and you were drawn to it, because you have something to offer. And so kind of just looking at it from that perspective instead. And then, as I approached other businesses, or you know, I, it was kind of twofold. 

For me, one, I was trying to connect with other doulas in this area, and, and then just kind of birth adjacent businesses. So chiropractors and kind of reproductive health therapists and massage therapists and kind of everybody like whoever I could find, I was just trying to figure that out. And I really realized that I didn't have to go into those businesses, like with my handout, like, Here I am, I need your help with something, I could walk into those businesses with something to offer. And for me, that mindset shift, just totally changed my whole approach. And eliminated, virtually eliminated by fear of it.”

OUR GUEST Mary Martin:

My professional path was not a straight line into birthwork, but a journey that has always been about caring for people first and always. During a career of Coast Guard service, I found that caring for my team and community was as important to me as life-saving missions. During the births of my own three children, I learned the value of community and excellent birth support firsthand. I believe that confidence and calm during birth and as a new parent come from a birth team that believes in a birthing person’s ability to birth and make decisions for themselves and their baby. I’ve had wonderful opportunities to encourage and support service members and their families as they navigate pregnancy, birth, life, work and return to work after the birth of a child. These experiences drove my passion to move into full-time birth work after my Coast Guard retirement. ​ All birthing people and their families deserve excellent support during every birth. Hospital, home or birth center, every family benefits from education and support.

CONNECT with Mary:

website: www.Marymartindoula.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marymartindoula/

CONNECT with Kaely on TikTok or  Instagram

https://www.tiktok.com/@doulacoach

https://www.instagram.com/Harroddoula/

If you like this episode, don't forget to share it to your Instagram stories and tag me @harroddoula

Kaely Daily is produced by Kaely Harrod of Harrod Doula Services

It is sponsored by The Birth Prep Blueprint Childbirth Class

Music by Madirfan: Hidden Place on Pixabay