Doula Partnership with the Doula Duo

• Transcript

  00:04

  Welcome to Dula Tips and Tips. This podcast is a place where we answer one question about Dula work, both to support you and to help you support your clients. I'm Kaylee Harad. I've been supporting families in this perinatal space since my oldest was born, 12, nearly 13 years ago.

  00:23

  I am a birth and postpartum Dula childbirth educator, La Leche League leader, and a Dula coach. I love guiding and supporting Dulas as they work out their Dula business. It is a tremendous joy to be trusted in this way.

  00:36

  Thank you for joining us on this journey. Welcome to Dula Tips and Tips. I have another group of guests today. I think this is the first time I've had two guests at once, which makes me very happy. I have Morgan and Rebecca of the Dula Duo up in Rochester, New York.

  00:54

  I am excited to have them to talk about what it is like to have a Dula team, a Dula partnership, instead of being a solo Dula. Morgan and Rebecca, could you guys introduce yourselves a little and tell us about how you came to be the Dula Duo?

  01:12

  Yeah, absolutely. Thank you for having us. I'm Morgan Boy. I am the co -owner of the Dula Duo in Rochester, New York. We started because my husband actually bought breast milk jewelry from Rebecca when she was making it back in 2019.

  01:30

  So my kind of story is I started as a Dula after my five -year -old was born. Her name is Audrey. She was a Caesarean after 48 hours of induced labor, and I really had a lot of trauma coming from her birth.

  01:48

  So I swore I would never have another baby, but I wanted to help other people not have this awful experience, even if they needed a Caesarean. So I became a Dula in 2019, and Rebecca and I teamed up that September.

  02:03

  And so we've been together for about four, four and a half years, and we've done 90 births together, everything from home births to scheduled caesareans and everything in between. We really don't care what your birth looks like as long as you feel empowered and that you had informed consent and, you know, felt positive about the experience.

  02:28

  So once I got to see these amazing births, especially as a doula for a second birth when maybe their first birth had trauma, I was like, wait a second, you don't have to have two of the same births. So I, We had always wanted two kids.

  02:44

  So I got pregnant again and unfortunately miscarried But then three months later got pregnant with my son will who just turned two and he was a vaginal birth after Cezarean at almost 11 pounds From the minute my water broke until he was born.

  03:00

  It was about three hours and I just knew so much more had so much such a better team and felt really empowered by switching to midwifery care and Having a doula and my husband and I just knowing so much more.

  03:15

  So it was a really it was the best day of my life. So Yeah, that is me in a nutshell a lot Rebecca tell her story. Yeah, so I am Rebecca Dilly I am the other half of the doula duo which I jokingly say it's you know My other marriage because it's what it is for the two of us My story kind of starts Down south I had my first kiddo in Florida my husband was military and We moved when I was like 36 weeks pregnant because that's what happens when you're in the military You don't have a choice when you get to move And so I wound up with very little family around I had a couple of friends, but nobody that was really like the same birth philosophy as me and I wound up having to go to a Hospital because that's just where they took our insurance and you know, I didn't really get much choice in the matter so it wasn't the most pleasant experience on earth and I was like, well, I don't really know how much I want to do this again But I do know I want more kids So me and my husband actually a couple years later moved back to Rochester, New York, which is where I'm from We'd moved all over the place, but I was from up here and I you know asked a whole bunch of friends I was like, how how do I do different birth, right?

  04:42

  And I I had a friend that was a doula at the time and she was like, hire a doula, take a birth class, find a provider that supports everything that you want. And it was just like Pandora's box opened because I was like, oh my God, it was, I wound up having to be induced having to be induced at 42 weeks because as I joke, my now eight year old would still love to be inside of me if he could because he is just the sweetest, clingiest little boy ever.

  05:16

  And so having like the birth team of my dreams, I went into an induction or an induction. I had one of the greatest experiences I think out of anyone we've ever had because I went in empowered. I knew all the questions to ask.

  05:32

  I walked out of that birth going, I need to do this for the rest of my life because this is what people need in life. And so I actually trained to become a doula in 2017. So I was a doula a little bit before Morgan.

  05:47

  And I did it by myself, right? As most of us do. And it sucked. Like, because I was on call 24 seven and I couldn't take as many families as I wanted to and I couldn't help as many people as I wanted to because having little kids of my own 24 seven life is just hard.

  06:06

  So when I met Morgan, I was like, Oh my God, this is a perfect fit. We had the same birth philosophies. We had the same feelings about how we wanted people to feel during labor. And it just, it all clicked into place.

  06:20

  And we were like, this is what we're gonna do. And of course we started a business in September of 2019. And our first client had her baby in January of 2020. So we all know what happened right after that.

  06:37

  And then we worked together for a little bit. And like Morgan said, she's got a two year old. I have a little boy who was my, I'm gonna do a home birth. I'm gonna use all the knowledge I used as a doula to have him at home.

  06:51

  And he wound up being a breach. And I did not get my home birth, but I got an absolutely empowering hospital birth because he flipped right at the end. He was born almost in the lobby in one of our local hospitals.

  07:08

  So like all of my knowledge as a doula, I used it all to try and get him to flip, to do all the things because like Morgan said, if you're empowered and you know all the things, then you know, you get, you try it all and if it doesn't work, then at least you tried it all.

  07:26

  And so we've continued to carry out that philosophy for the last almost five years. I love that so much. And I love both of your stories because I think, I mean, for one, One, this is not about just our birth stories, but I have some things that resonate with my own three children.

  07:47

  But I think the way that you come to this work with the nuances that you guys have in your own stories is huge because it also gives you compassion for people. I think sometimes for better or worse, if we've had our own kiddos and we're doulas, we do bring our own experience.

  08:06

  And sometimes that can bring a bias that's almost like, if I can do it, you can do it. Which is like, I know that you guys are against that as much as I'm against that. But I think also if we've had variations that are just variations that you do not control, then you do have some context of like, you've done everything that you can.

  08:27

  And there are some parts of this that we do not have a say in. You know? Exactly. Active, I think also is so beneficial to your clients because you, you come from a very authentic place helping them process those things, you know, and helping in real time as they play out.

  08:45

  So I love that. So I would love to hear how your business functions in terms of having a team. Like, do you do everything together? Do you have a shared call schedule? Like, tell me all the things. Yeah, definitely.

  09:00

  So we use the dual, dual model and that is we are together most of the time. So all of our prenatal appointments, all of our postpartum appointments, the postpartum check -ins, I should say, are together so that we get to meet and establish rapport with the clients and we both know, you know, all of the nuances of what they want, what they don't want, how they want to feel, kind of how they see this birth going.

  09:31

  And then once it comes to the birth, we do 12 -hour shifts. So Rebecca, do you want to talk about the 12 -hour shifts? Yeah, definitely. So we kind of work it how it goes in our lives, right? So for each person, it would definitely be different.

  09:46

  But for us, I have older kids that are in school during the day. Daytime is a little bit easier for me. So I work days and Morgan is the queen of the night shift. I joke because she loves a good nighttime birth.

  10:02

  She, we usually do from a really good napper. You are a really good napper. I am not. So I sleep at night. We usually do from 8 in the morning until 8 at night. And then of course, depending on when somebody calls us, we kind of switch it up, right?

  10:20

  So if somebody called us at 4 in the afternoon, I'm not going to leave at 8 o 'clock. That's just silly. We kind of gauge it depending on what's going on in the labor, if one of us stays longer or if one of us comes in a little bit earlier.

  10:34

  We also, now that some of the restrictions in our hospitals around here have started to lift, during the height of COVID, we basically had to pass each other in the hallway and like hand off, like the couple of notes that we do, we of course always text each other so that the other person knows what's going on.

  10:57

  Now with the restrictions a little lifted, we actually get to overlap for about a half an hour to an hour depending on like what's going on in a birth. Sometimes if something big is happening we get to stay and kind of like see what's going on.

  11:12

  We've had a couple of instances lately where we both got to be there. We had a second time client who, her first labor was relatively fast once we got there so as soon as she called us we both got to be there because you know who doesn't love a second time baby where you get to see both babies born.

  11:30

  It's happened a few times for us now and it's... one of the best feelings on earth to get to see like a whole family grow even more. So yeah, we do. Yeah, and I think the reason that we want to do this is not only for our sake and, you know, being able to be with our families when we need to be, but also for the client's sake.

  11:51

  So a lot of our doula friends who work by themselves have awesome backups. We have awesome, an awesome community in Rochester of doulas. But as a birthing person, not too long ago, it was really hard for me to think, OK, I've put all of my trust and all of my goals in this one doula.

  12:13

  And if something happens with her family and she's not able to be there, I don't want a stranger walking in. And thankfully for us with our clients, they know both of us. So they know they're going to get one of us.

  12:26

  And yes, we always have people waiting to, you know, cover us if need be. But in 90 births, we've only had to use that person once for a couple of hours. And, you know, we just really want the families to feel safe and comfortable so that they can release the oxytocin and have their babies.

  12:48

  I love that. And you probably know about me that I harp on oxytocin like crazy. That's a big piece of what I teach. I love it. Especially because I think, oh, yes, your tattoo makes me happy. This is a total side note, but I am on my way to getting a tattoo at some point.

  13:09

  And I feel like the first one, I think maybe I'm right about this, but maybe not. The first one feels like such a huge decision. Like it has to be perfect. It has to be like for the right reasons. It has to be.

  13:21

  And then I think everyone I know who has tattoos is like the next ones are easier. So you're just, yeah. Well, Rebecca and I are getting matching tattoos in a couple of weeks. So we'll let you know. you know, but we both have many.

  13:35

  Oh, that's exciting. Yeah, I have lots of siblings with them. And so they're like, just do it, Kaley. It's not that big of a deal. But what I love about that for you guys as the doulas is that you're not completely wearing yourselves out.

  13:51

  And so then if clients are coming kind of close together, you're not looking at days and days and days of not sleeping, right? Or like, you know, this birth is long and traumatic and I'm dealing with it on my own and then going to another birth and just needing to like brush that off and keep it moving, you know?

  14:09

  So I love that. Absolutely. We are our quickest amount of births in the shortest amount of time was three births and 36 hours. And I was at one of them and Rebecca made it to all three somehow. And yeah, just perfectly.

  14:27

  It did. And you know, it would have been so stressful because one was long, one was short, and one was an induction. And we would have been like, oh my gosh, don't get induced, don't get induced, you know, because we, you know, maybe weren't ready or, you know, I'm sitting at one and the other one calls from home 45 minutes from the hospital pushing.

  14:48

  And I can't leave the one that I'm at. So Rebecca was able to just get up and go and they made it and everything was great. But yeah, you're so right. And I think that the universe somehow helps us with if there's a really hard or a really long birth, it seems like the next one is either really short or really positive.

  15:07

  And we're so grateful for that. But at the same time, having each other to decompress with and talk about the trauma that we feel, because we definitely have, you know, some secondary trauma from some of the things that we witnessed.

  15:23

  It's actually really nice to have another person who just gets it and knows the family and can talk about what happened and maybe was there. And even if they weren't, you know, being able to call Rebecca after a birth and be like, that was really freaking hard.

  15:38

  And she gets it, you know, and our partners try to get it but they don't, and they never will because they're not do laws and our do friends get it but maybe they, you know, don't know the family or don't know what they were hoping for.

  15:51

  So it's just so nice to have her. Yeah, I love that. I would love to hear what are your kind of words of wisdom or words of advice if a doula is listening to this and saying, Okay, I think this sounds lovely like maybe I do want a partnership like what would you suggest they look for and what are some things you would suggest they like think about.

  16:16

  Yeah, so I think your birth philosophy is one of the big like the biggest things because for us, we're both always rooting. for our clients to get everything they want. Sometimes we joke that we share the same brain when it comes to things.

  16:35

  And I think as cheesy as it sounds, you kind of have to go into it as like a relationship or a marriage. And you really have to be compatible with the person that you're there. We are very choosy about if we have backups or anything like that.

  16:53

  We're very choosy with how we do certain things, we're very open about different things. Like we have a contract between the two of us that states, you know, like if a birth goes like this many hours and how we get paid and like we're very, we always talk about everything when it comes to the money or how we're feeling like Morgan was out for the, for most of the summer cause she had to have back surgery.

  17:21

  And, I was so excited when she came back because I knew when she was back, she was ready to work and I was completely fine with being like the primary person on call, but I knew as soon as she was back that I could take a step back for a couple of bursts, take a breath and you know, like decompress myself because she had the exact you know, she had the same hunger to get back into working as I did.

  17:48

  And when you go into a dual or partnership, it is really important to kind of have that like give and take of, you know, openness with each other. And it also helps that like in birth you have to be open right like you can't be, you can't be super closed off you have to kind of talk about it because we wind up in some really hard to talk about situations but some really great situations at the same time so.

  18:16

  Yeah, I think definitely talking about everything. I mean we text and call and see each other more than we see our partners are, you know, our husbands. And, you know, really taking the things that are really important to us in making sure that those match so like Rebecca said the non judgmental way that we work.

  18:40

  And also, you know the time and how much energy and how much time we want to put into things really match so it's, it's so important to be transparent about the things that you need and you want, because those things aren't aren't likely to change.

  18:55

  So talking about everything before things happen and then just going with your gut. Like we always tell our clients there's not one question you can ask a doula to figure out if they're right for you it's that gut feeling that you feel safe.

  19:10

  And I think that's just what clicked with Rebecca and I. We really just had this gut feeling that this would work. We literally met one day and started a business together like within a week later. It was.

  19:24

  It was just crazy to think that, you know, in five years later, we have not had an argument, you know, we definitely talk things out and we have different opinions on some things, but it's very rare because we always bring it back to, you know, what does the client need?

  19:43

  What do we need? What's best for us? What's best for that client? And if you really keep your head in that small mind space, the other stuff just kind of falls to the side. And as much as you want to narrow down to what's good for you, what's good for the client, you also have to have, you know, a big space of what that might look like.

  20:04

  So being really open to, you know, this might be what I think is best, but Rebecca thinks that this is best. So let's talk it out because that could be even better for us. So it's nice to have another person to bounce ideas off of too.

  20:21

  I love that. I also feel like one of the things I was thinking as you were talking is as doulas we can kind of celebrate the fact that even with the same mindset or the same goal we get there different ways, right?

  20:34

  And so there is a level of collaboration that most of us as doulas desperately need in terms of like long hard births or scenarios of like how do we support this person through this thing? Like what is this baby doing?

  20:47

  You know like what what do we think we can do in this birth to keep it going? You know yeah because how many times as a doula are you like I've used all of my resources I don't know what else to do and in the past you know a lot of the single doulas in the area will reach out to the doula co -op or text some friends but it's nice to know that Rebecca knows that person they know what they want she knows what I've already tried because we've been texting throughout the birth and you know having her either be able to think of something because she's not sleep deprived or you know google something for me or look something up for me so I'm not sitting on my phone while someone's levering it's so nice and then I'm like oh my goodness Rebecca just thought of like the most genius thing that should have been in the front of my mind but because I'm working and thinking about this person it just didn't I didn't think of it so it's really nice to kind of have that resource.

  21:42

  Yeah I love that for you guys how has the feedback been from your clients of having both of you I feel like they probably love you but you know. Oh um so we our our clients usually love the fact that there's two of us because like Morgan said you get it's two brains right there's two of us there's always a larger wealth of knowledge they love the fact that that that you know they will almost 99 .9 percent of the time see one of our faces unless something crazy is going on um they We have clients that are, that have been in the like height of labor and labor land and not even paying attention and when we used to have to wear masks to birth, we, we both have big glasses, the only difference between us is I'm covered in tattoos and have red hair.

  22:42

  And otherwise we look, we look similar enough. And so we would have clients that would be in labor land and I would have been there an hour or more or vice versa with Morgan and I would reach down and they would be like, that's not what, who's arm is that because like, who's here, who's even here or or Morgan would talk to them and they'd be like, when did you get here and she'd be like, I, you know, we told you like two hours ago but you are doing so great like you didn't even notice it.

  23:14

  Um, and that's kind of like the best way. Yeah. to feel right and we also have people that, you know, have gone into labor on the same day and they're like, I'm so happy that like you didn't have to leave me that like, because that's the way we do it when two people go into labor at the same time, whoever's at the first birth stays there for the rest of it.

  23:36

  Similar to like a single doula where we just stay for the whole thing, but and like they were like, oh, I'm so glad that like you didn't have to leave to go to another birth and like our other clients have been like, oh, I'm glad that I still had Morgan come in or stuff like that because it has.

  23:53

  Yeah, we also, you know, I think a lot of people worry that, you know, if their doulas children are sick, if they're doulas sick, if something comes up, if it's on a day they had a really important event, or, you know, if it goes over 24 hours, yeah, you can't sure that there's two people and making sure we're always kind of right on the money.

  24:22

  We're not going over 12 to 24 hours of not sleeping. That's really important to people. And also our prices are not that different from a single doula. And we're still able to sustain this work. So really getting two people for the price of one is is really important because we know that not everyone thinks that they can afford a doula.

  24:44

  So getting two of us is a luxury. Yeah, totally. And honestly, like, I think that's also things doulas worry about, you know, like as you're saying, like parents worry about these, I'm like, oh, no, doula, I know for me, I'm also like that cold letter end my Saturday guys, you know, children, get your immune system together, you know.

  25:05

  Yeah. And that's the nice thing too. Like Rebecca said, we, you know, have our schedules 8am to 8pm, 8pm to 8am. But we're super flexible. My family had a stomach bug yesterday. Rebecca covered the night.

  25:19

  shift for me. You know, it's really nice and our families are so flexible and they know that babies come when babies come. But at the same time, just having that safety feeling that I'm going to know this person that's there, whether it's Morgan or Rebecca.

  25:37

  And also a great thing about it is we can come to our clients a lot earlier than most people do because we know we're only working for 12 hours at a time. So if someone's doing, you know, early labor at home and they need us to come over and have a cup of tea with them or do the three balances with them or, you know, help them assess, am I ready to go?

  25:58

  Am I not? If they're thinking about it, they're not. But that's really nice that we can just, it's really nice that we can just go. We don't have to say, you know, well, have you got to the hospital?

  26:11

  Yeah, how dilated are you? What are you feeling? Do you feel like you really need me? Like we always tell our clients. when you feel like you need our support, whether it's physical, mental, emotional, you know, advocacy, whatever, call us.

  26:26

  We will beat you within the hour. It doesn't matter where you are or what's happening. We want to support you. And that's not always able to be seen on someone's face. Totally. Yeah, yeah. I love this and we could keep talking for ages.

  26:41

  I try to keep these episodes around 30 minutes, so I need to stuff us. But I also just want to be friends with you guys because you're awesome. You can be. You can be. Let's be friends. Perfect. I'm allowed.

  26:54

  You can vote me in. Yeah. We'll be the trio for you. Come on through Rochester. I'll be the other long distance third party. Perfect. If you are considering a Dula team, then this team is a great team to learn from.

  27:11

  There are other teams. If you're here in the DC area, there are a few I can connect you with to kind of get a sense of how it functions here for those folks. I really recommend going on to their social media, which is in the show notes so that you can see a bit more of how they function and the awesome stuff that they're doing.

  27:28

  I also just love the way that you all discuss birth like that makes me happy and was part of why I was like, I want to talk to you guys and why we're friends now because because I think that also really matters.

  27:40

  Right. And so when you're looking for someone, if you've really connected with a Dula and you're like, you get it, we do this similarly. Consider how this can look for you and it does look different ways for different people, but having having some backup for yourself and getting some Dulaing yourself is so important and vital in this work.

  28:00

  So I'm so grateful that the two of you took time to be on the podcast. Thank you so, so much. Thank you for having us a friendship that will now grow. Yes, for sure. We'll stay in touch forever. Yes.

  28:15

  All right, I will see everyone else in the next episode. Thanks for joining us for this episode of the Dula Tips and Tits podcast. If you learned something today or had an aha moment, we'd love for you to share that on Instagram and tag us at heradula so we can celebrate alongside you.

  28:35

  If you found this podcast helpful, we would so appreciate you taking a second to leave a rating and a review on your favorite podcast app. That helps other Dulas find us as we do this work together. This podcast is intended as educational and entertainment.

  28:51

  It is not medical advice or business advice. Please consult your own medical or legal team for your own needs around your health and your business. We'll see you again soon.

Today we are joined by not one but two guests: Rebecca and Morgan of The Doula Duo in Rochester NY. I’m so excited for you to hear about their work as a doula partnership and the ins and outs of why they love it more than working solo. They are pioneering Rochester’s Dual-Doula Model for personalized support before, during and after the birthing process.  Your way, every step of the way. 

In this episode you will hear how they got started, how they work out the logistics of a dual doula model and the details they love most about it. You’ll also get to hear a bit about their client’s experience with having a team of two vs having one person.

CONNECT with The Doula Duo:

www.thedouladuo.com

https://www.instagram.com/thedouladuoroc/

CONNECT with Kaely on TikTok or  Instagram

https://www.tiktok.com/@doulacoach

https://www.instagram.com/Harroddoula/

If you like this episode, don't forget to share it to your Instagram stories and tag me @harroddoula

Kaely Daily is produced by Kaely Harrod of Harrod Doula Services

It is sponsored by The Birth Prep Blueprint Childbirth Class

Music by Madirfan: Hidden Place on Pixabay