Don't Ignore Doula Client Red Flags
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Welcome to doula Tips and Tits. This podcast is a place where we answer one question about doula work, both to support you and to help you support your clients. I'm Kaylee Harrod. I've been supporting families in this perinatal space since my oldest was born, 12, nearly 13 years ago.
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I am a birth and postpartum doula childbirth educator, La Leche League leader and a doula coach. I love guiding and supporting doulas as they work out their doula business. It is a tremendous joy to be trusted in this way.
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Thank you for joining us on this journey. Hello and welcome back to doula Tips and Tits. Today's episode is about red flags with potential clients. I want to just start by encouraging you to not ignore them.
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If you ignore them in the earliest communications, the earliest emails, text messages, messages online or wherever they are, you will regret it. If your client is not a good fit for you and there are red flags, those are going to bite you in the ass at some point.
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Now what we end up doing when we ignore these is saying yes to people that we shouldn't have said yes to and ultimately then like setting ourselves up for some unnecessary business scenarios. So here are some red flags that I see and again this is not an exhaustive list.
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I would guess that you have others that you would add but these are just a few from me. So one is they are making you prove your worth anytime a client or a client's partner shows up with this kind of like why should I hire you sort of sort of energy.
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I don't know, I'm very, very energetic. That's my word right now, I guess. I'm not sure. I'm in my energy era. My teenagers would be so proud. Not really, they would cringe. They hate when I talk like them.
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But I do it as often as possible because I believe that a mother's first job is to annoy the crap out of her children because why would we not? Like I, that is my goal in life. So I do it even though it makes them cringe.
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I dance, I sing, I use their slang and they're always like, mom, it's the best thing ever. So if they're coming with this kind of line of questioning that either makes you believe they don't think doulas are worth it at all or they don't think you are worth it specifically, that's a hard pass for me.
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Like absolutely not because what I'm not gonna do is I'm not gonna do it. bend your whole pregnancy and birth, working my ass off to convince you that it was a good thing that you hired me. No, no, no, no, no, no.
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Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Absolutely not. Because that's exhausting. That's exhausting for everybody. Like that's exhausting for you. It's exhausting for me. It's a terrible, terrible space to live in as a doula.
03:21
Okay. Now, another thing I would say is if they are showing that like, they really don't fit with you. Like what they're wanting isn't what you do. Either they're really wanting you to do something that's outside of your scope or that you are not comfortable with.
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And they're not just like respecting the fact that you don't do it. So I'll give you an example of this. Lots of doula insurance, liability insurance, requires that we never drive a pregnant client. And so like for me, that's a very easy note.
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Like I do not drive pregnant clients ever. I'm happy to ride with you in a car or ride with you in like a Lyft or an Uber. But I cannot drive you in your vehicle or mine because it voids my insurance, right?
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So that's a big deal for me in my business and my work as a doula. I can't do that, right? Like I need to prioritize making sure that I'm protecting myself and my business, you know? So what that means is that when someone says to me, okay, you know, my partner works a long ways away.
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If we had to go to the hospital last minute, like what would that look like? Would you come pick me up or would we have to wait for them? I say to them, I can come to you and then we can take a Lyft together.
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But what I can't do is take you either in my car or in yours. My insurance does not allow me to do that. Every time I've said that to a client, they're like. oh yes yes okay perfect that makes total sense you know and that tells me that they are respecting that boundary even if they think it's ridiculous even if they think my insurance shouldn't do that even if they think i shouldn't care about my insurance doing that whatever it is that they think they are are respecting the fact that i am not going to break that boundary in my insurance right now um another red flag that i see is is talking about your pricing not in a way that's like actually wanting answers but in a way that is kind of like accusatory right so i have a good friend who raised her rates many years ago now and has raised her rates more than now um and she had someone say to her why are you 25% more expensive than other doulas in the DC area.
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And at the time I was like, you should have just said, cause I'm 25% better than most of the doulas in the DC area, right? Just because it's like, who asked that? Like that, no one goes into Target and says like, towels are cheaper at Walmart.
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Why are your towels more expensive than Walmart? Cause then the people that work there are gonna be like, dude, just go to Walmart then, right? Like my energy is better spent just going to the store with the cheaper towels if that's what I'm looking for.
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Like Target's towels are more expensive, that's all. So what? But it's not something that they're gonna adjust for you. They're not gonna be like, oh, oh gosh, I didn't realize ours aren't the cheapest towels.
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Let me fix that, right? They're just gonna be like, dude, if you want cheap towels, go to Walmart. Our towels are more expensive, that's all, right? Whether or not they're better or whatever, like they just cost more, that is what it is.
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And so when someone comes with that kind of like audacity, I will say, I'm right away like, uh -uh, nope, nope, nope. Because that goes back to me feeling like I have to prove to you that it was worth paying this price.
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Absolutely not. Now that is completely different from someone not being able to pay. Like someone's saying to me, I really wanna hire you, but we can't afford that rate. Is it possible to remove some things from the package?
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Or is it possible to do a kind of long -term payment plan? Or is it possible, blah, blah, blah, like, right? Like that, that is entirely different than someone saying, why are you so much more expensive than all the other doulas in DC?
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When in that scenario, I'm just like, so go hire one of them, like that's fine. It's not that they're bad, it's that I don't think doulas charge enough money, right? And so it's a like longer term issue.
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So those are some red flags for me. Obviously anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, that makes you feel threatened in any way like there are you know if there's racism happening if there's discrimination happening disrespect abuse assault like clearly right please say no to those people but if it's more subtle and kind of in your gut you're just like oh I don't know listen to that please listen to that because that is a guiding force for you in your life but also in your business and honestly no amount of money is worth working with a client who brings up red flags for you I'll tell you that that right now like there are some crappy scenarios that come up from clients that you should have never let hire you in the first place so how do you deal with this like what do you say if someone wants to hire you and you're like well shit I don't want you to because I see all these red flags just don't let them and this looks like all different things right now there's language that people use different people use different language I'm going to tell you how I manage it One thing I do is usually at the end of a doula consultation, I end by saying, okay, from here I like to send you the contract so that you can look it over, see if that sparks any questions for you.
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If you're ready to sign and ready to move forward, you can just sign that contract. It also allows you to pay your deposit right there, and so that same contract is all ready for you to sign if you'd like to.
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In a scenario where someone is all the red flags and I don't want them to hire me, I say something like, let me know if you have any further questions. It was so good to talk to you today, which is not like here's a form where you can pay me and hire me, etc, etc.
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No, it is like awesome. Let me know if you want to hire me because that gives me the opportunity for them to just never tell me they want to hire me, right? But also for me to respond via e -mail if I'm saying no to them later.
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It's a little bit easier, I think, than just saying outright like in the consultation, like we're clearly not a good fit. I don't want you to hire me, right? That's hard for me, probably because I grew up in the Midwest and I'm a little conflict avoidance still with myself, not with my clients somehow.
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But that means I then have space later to address that via e -mail. One thing that I say to people over e -mail, especially if I have sent them the contract, and then I'm like, oh, I don't think I should have sent them the contract.
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They're kind of like on the fence of red flags, you know? Then I'll say to them, I no longer have space for your due date, which is true. I don't have space for you and your due date. So I'm not, that is not like a lie to me.
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Like that is the truth that I don't have the mental, emotional, and physical and business capacity to take on you and your due date and all the drama that's going to come with that. That doesn't mean I still don't have a spot in April or whatever.
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but it does mean that I don't have a space for you. Now, that's not always why I say that, right? Like sometimes I legitimately say, like your due date is no longer available, blah, blah, blah, even if I would have loved to work with them, right?
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And I usually will say that, like I would have loved to work with you, but gosh, I'm already full now. My April has been totally taken up and they're like, oh, dang it, you know. But when it's someone that I don't want to hire me, I will use that language oftentimes, right?
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I'm no longer available. It was so good to meet with you. Do you want me to send you some other folks, right? And that is how I manage that scenario. So I really want to encourage you to not ignore this.
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Like listen to your instincts, listen to your gut, the same way that we teach our clients to listen to theirs. In so many ways, we would be better doulas and better business people if we took our own freaking doula advice.
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and applied it to ourself in our lives and our business. And we don't always do that, right? We do not always do that. We sometimes forget that we should have the same kind of autonomy and informed decision -making and consent, et cetera, that we preach to our clients.
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Okay? So I wanna just remind you another time that we have this free masterclass. It is coming up soon. It is online, so you can take it from anywhere in the world, April 8th, 1 p .m. Eastern. It lasts for one hour.
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It will be recorded, so there will be a replay, but I do wanna record the question and answer portion because I want people to feel the freedom to just ask questions with whoever is present at the moment.
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And so you do miss that piece if you're not there live, but the recording is still juicy and full of all kinds of amazingness. The masterclass is called Client Chemistry. It's all about getting and keeping clients and having that be a piece that helps your business thrive like crazy.
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I would love to see you there. The class is free, but it is limited to only 100 people. So please do sign up today before all the spots are taken so that you can be one of those 100 people and get to interact with me and hang out for an hour, become friends, and also learn about having awesome chemistry with your clients.
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All right, I'll see you in that class and also in the next episode. Thanks for joining us for this episode of the doula Tips and Tits podcast. If you learned something today or had an aha moment, we'd love for you to share that on Instagram and tag us at hiradoula so we can celebrate alongside you.
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If you found this podcast helpful, we would so appreciate you taking a second to leave a rating and a review on your favorite podcast app. That helps other doulas find us as we do this work together.
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This podcast is intended as educational and entertainment. It is not medical advice or business advice. Please consult your own medical or legal team for your own needs around your health and your business.
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We'll see you again soon.
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Sometimes it’s hard to think about being picky when it comes to your clients, especially if you are a new business owner. However, isn’t that one of the perks of being a doula is getting to pick who you work for? Today we are discussing red flags in clients and not ignoring them just because you need clients. Trust me, it’ll catch up to you eventually.
“So if they're coming with this kind of line of questioning that either makes you believe they don't think doulas are worth it at all or they don't think you are worth it specifically, that's a hard pass for me. Like absolutely not because what I'm not gonna do is I'm not gonna do it. bend your whole pregnancy and birth, working my ass off to convince you that it was a good thing that you hired me. No, no, no, no, no, no. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Absolutely not. Because that's exhausting. That's exhausting for everybody. Like that's exhausting for you. It's exhausting for me. It's a terrible, terrible space to live in as a doula.”
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Kaely Daily is produced by Kaely Harrod of Harrod Doula Services
It is sponsored by The Birth Prep Blueprint Childbirth Class
Music by Madirfan: Hidden Place on Pixabay
