Does A Doula Replace Your Partner?
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Kaely Harrod 0:00
Hello and welcome back to Kaely Daily. Today's question is does a doula replace my partner? This is Kaely Daily, the bi weekly podcast about all things doula Tips and Tips, where we answer one question about pregnancy, labour, postpartum, or lactation, in order to have your journey in this parenting world be just a little bit more informed and filled with consent. Hello, I'm Kaely Harrod, the doula and educator and host here at the Kaely daily podcast, we're continuing on the doula trend, or the doula series. And today's question is, does a doula replace my partner? Now, I'm talking primarily in the birth setting to begin with, but then I will talk a little bit about the postpartum time as well. Obviously, with the caveat that I realize some people intentionally have a single parent home, right? And that's okay. What I want you to think about when I'm talking about you, having a partner or a doula replacing a partner is anyone that you have chosen to have by your side, that can be the actual other parent that is going to co parent with you. It can be your parent, your mother, your father, your parent of some kind, it could be your family member, a friend, it could be all sorts of different people. The idea is that person is in your personal life, right? So they're connected to you somehow. Whether it be romantically or emotionally or whatever that is, and they are coming as your like, emotional personal support and not as your doula or your like, more professional support person.
Kaely Harrod 1:53
Okay. So the short answer, this is technically yes or no question, right? Does a doula replace my partner? No, we don't. However, I of course, as you know, I do want to add some context to that answer. So not only does it do not replace your support person, I think that doulas are kind of underrated for what we bring to support people. Now, obviously, as a birth doula, our primary role is to help you have your baby, right. But also, the experience of birth is for everybody in the room. And so we also want to help your partner navigate that space, and navigate helping you in that space, and not kind of take that over overshadow the role that they play. I'm going to yawn today, goodness the life of a birth doula is just like an undertow of exhaustion at all times. Um, so. So one of the ways that I think a birth doula is really helpful to a partner is in that we kind of take off some of the pressure of a partner having to know when and how to do everything. Now, in a birth scenario partner has a lot on them, like they have to get you to your birthing location, if you're not bringing it home, for birthing at home, they have to make sure your team that needs to come to you has what they need, and is there when they need to be and like, they know that you're in labor, all that kind of stuff.
Kaely Harrod 3:41
Excuse me, and so, so part of it is them having this like pressure of remembering all these logistical things. And then of course, you need actual support in the mix of labor. Okay, so um, what that looks like, for a when you have a birth doula versus when you don't have a birth doula is that a partner is kind of freed up to just be your partner, like, think about how they support you in any other thing in life, right? Like if they're like, helping you work through a stressful week. They're not like okay, when do I need to make sure that your appointment and when do I need to make sure that you're, you know, wherever you need to be going, they're not working through those logistics, they're just like, they're with you for you and supporting you emotionally, mentally, verbally, physically, etc. And in birth, that's what a doula should be trying to do is kind of free up your partner to be your partner. While the birth doula can be the expert and some of the logistical stuff right.
Kaely Harrod 4:55
That doesn't mean your birth doula gets you to your birth location, right, but your birth doula helps you know when it's time to go to your birth location, in many cases, even some logistics about how to get in when you get there, right? Like, where do you park and all that kind of stuff. Oftentimes, if a doula has been to your facility, they can help with that kind of stuff. And that can be really, really helpful in the midst of labor, so the short answer is no, we don't replace in the midst of birth. The others, the other side of this experience, is the postpartum side. Now, what I really think in the postpartum side is that the person who gave birth if they're feeding, if they're lactating, and feeding from their body, then it takes so much work, and so much effort for the person who just was pregnant, who just gave birth, to then use their body as the way to sustain their baby, right? So oftentimes, what happens is that everything else falls on the partner. And a postpartum doula not only again, helps to navigate this space of like being the expert and giving information and helping clients know like when things are normal, and when things are concerning, and that kind of stuff, but also relieve some of that logistical burden, right, so like washing bottles, or doing laundry or like letting both of you shower and sleep, right. So those are some ways that a partner is supported in the postpartum time and not at all overshadowed in both scenarios, birth and postpartum. I think one of the lovely things is that a partner needs logistical breaks, right, like a break to like, go to the bathroom, or eat dinner or whatever.
Kaely Harrod 6:44
But if they know that their person, whether they're in labor or postpartum has someone else there with them, who's only caring for them, but knows about these the scenario and can like spot anything concerning, then they have a lot of freedom to actually take care of their own needs, because their person is taken care of. So that's part of it as well, in my mind is we actually kind of free partners up to just do what they need to do for themselves and for their partner without having to be an expert in labor and delivery. So that is today's question answer. For the doula series. We have a handful of questions left in this series, and then we're going to be moving on to some postpartum questions for a time. If you have questions about doula care or questions about postpartum. I am happy to answer them. I still have time to kind of fit a few more into the series if you'd like. And I have a special announcement for doulas specifically coming up at the end of this series. And so I'm excited to share more about that with you then. So, in the meantime, I wish you well informed consent filled births. These episodes are edited and produced by Kaely Herat as I'm sure you can probably tell, and our amazing music is credited in the shownotes as well. So we look forward to seeing you on the next episode. And in the meantime, have a wonderful in consent filled birth.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
If you have a partner supporting you in this pregnancy and postpartum time then you may be worried that a doula will take away that special support by adding a third support person. The reality is that the doula is there for the pregnant person and for partners. The doula should free the partner up to be the partner! Not an expert on pregnancy, labor or postpartum! Your emotional and life support can be just that while your doula is your expert on all things birth and postpartum.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Doulas make partners’ jobs easier when they are doing their job well
A partner can be guided and reassured by a doula to make it less stressful for them
A doula also provides logistical support so partners can take care of themselves during the process as well as being a good support for their pregnant partner.
RESOURCES
FREE OXYTOCIN GUIDE:
6 Ways to Increase Oxytocin for Labor Progression
https://www.harroddoulaservices.com/free-guide-6-oxytocin-tips
CONNECT with Kaely on Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/Harroddoula/
This podcast is hosted by the Birth Prep Blueprint - comprehensive Childbirth Education for expectant parents to feel calm, prepared and confident about labor and birth. Podcast listeners (that’s YOU!) get 10% off! Use the link below and coupon code PODCAST
https://www.harroddoulaservices.com/birth-prep-blueprint
** The Birth Prep Blueprint is offered for only $20 to anyone who qualifies for any kind of social services (meaning that a family has a lower income to the point that they would qualify for WIC or SNAP or Medicaid, etc.). No need to disclose your income, just which service you qualify for and the link can be sent right over. Just email kaely@harroddoulaservices.com to learn more.
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Kaely Daily is produced by Kaely Harrod of Harrod Doula Services
It is sponsored by The Birth Prep Blueprint Childbirth Class
Music by Madirfan: Hidden Place on Pixabay
