10 Lessons from My First 10 Births Part 3 of 5

Sep 29

Kaely Harrod 00:04
Welcome to doula Tips and Tits. This podcast is a place where we answer one question about doula work, both to support you and to help you support your clients. I'm Kaylee Harrod. I've been supporting families in this perinatal space since my oldest was born 12 nearly 13 years ago. I am a birth and postpartum doula childbirth educator, lovely cheerleader and a doula coach. I love guiding and supporting doulas as they work out their doula business, it is a tremendous joy to be trusted in this way. Thank you for joining us on this journey. Welcome back. This is the third episode of the series of 10 lessons that I learned in my first 10 births. If you have not listened to the last two episodes, I do recommend that you pause, go back to those two and listen to them first so that you have the context starting from the first thing. So the first thing I mentioned was eating second is peeing, which you need to go back and listen to have some context of what that means. Number three is that it's rarely a rush. And number four is always have your bag ready. Now today we're covering five and six. So five is get to know the providers and the nurses and don't assume that they're hostile. Number six is have your notes with you. Now, excuse me, um, number five, I just want to dive into a little bit. So when I first became a doula, my understanding was that providers really didn't like doulas. Now, that is sometimes the case. Right. Some doulas do not, I mean, some providers. Some doulas don't like providers either, but some do providers do not like doulas and I would say over the years of dueling that is the minority in my experience, obviously, I work in an area where doulas are very normal. A lot of doulas work here, I'm in DC. And so in my experience, more providers are open, that are hostile. However, how you join the team really matters. Now, as a doula, I'm not coming in, trying to make the team have a lovely shift, right? I'm coming in helping my client have a lovely birth, and keeping them safe and making sure that their autonomy is respected and things like that. So there are times when there needs a level of advocacy that is confrontational, right. But more times than not having things like I don't know, a conversation around like, you know, positioning of the baby, or like moving positions of the patient or helping get like water and ice and things like that. Help me as the doula be seen as a benefit to the team, because I'm filling in a void kind of in the care that the provider and nurse typically provide. Now, I will say I'm sure there are some providers who've worked with me who are super annoyed, because I like reminded my client that they have the freedom to choose and things like that, right. However, I do also have a lot of referrals from nurses and providers, which is huge, because a patient that gets your doula name from their actual provider is probably going to hire you because they're like, Oh, I already trust my provider. And now I also really trust you. So obviously, I don't want providers that don't value patient autonomy and things like that to be referring to me. But the people that I do really have good relationships with it makes it honestly so much better for my clients, because their providers like Oh, I love your doula. She's amazing. And I'm like, Oh, your provider is so lovely. You're gonna have such good care. And when we're there together, the nurses may be coming in like, oh my gosh, Kaylee, it's so good to see you. I'm so glad that we get to work together today. So there is this community. And this like, collaboration that is really key there. Now, what I'm not saying is go in expecting that all the time. I don't go in expecting that. I know that doesn't always happen. But go in assuming that it could happen. Because if you go in thinking there's absolutely no way that this team is going to want you there, you're going to come in with a level of defensiveness that sometimes causes that to be harder. So that was my lesson. I know that that is not the case for everyone. And I firmly stand on the fact that I am a white woman who has the privilege of kind of fitting into the medical system that we have rather than being like, affected by racism and things like that. So I have some privilege here. I am the first First person to admit that. So I do not want you to think that this is something I think is the same for everyone. Okay, so number six, have your notes with you. Now, this is something that is really after having a couple births of feeling like I wasn't going to remember something or someone really wanted something that I don't know what it was, or I can't remember if they're having a boy or girl and those kinds of things. Like once you get kind of a little ways down your doula road, you sometimes have some details that don't get retained. Now, we're all different in this, right? So I always joke with my clients that like, I remember almost all my clients names like the person who gave birth, their name. Oftentimes, I remember partner's names. I very, less frequently remember, baby names. And I never remember baby birthdays. I mean, maybe never is too strong. There's a few that I might remember. But hardly ever. I do just generally remember like time of year or sometimes and things like that. Or if they were super early, you super late. There was something like that that was kind of dramatic. But honestly, I don't know anybody's birthday, not client wise. But I remember some, like very distinct details from people's births, right? And so I can say like, oh, you remember when you said this? Or they said this, or this thing happened? That I remember those details are like cemented, but things like, you know, what was the name of your nurse? Or what was, you know, the birthday or the time that your kid was born? How much did they weigh? I don't remember those things. I just, I just do not have mental space for those details is my thought. So what I started doing pretty early in my Doula career is having a notebook where I take notes at all of my prenatal visits for the year. Now, it took a little while for me to start doing this in like a notebook for the year, because I didn't have enough people to fill a notebook right, where now I get most of the way through a small like journal kind of size notebook in a year. And so I will mark, I use like little sticky notes, or the little like sticky tabs to mark what month anyone is in. And then I have a notes from our prenatal visits in that so that I can throw that in my doula bag and look back over it as needed. When I'm joining someone in labor, this gives me the reassurance that I know like everybody's names correctly, I'm going to the right hospital, I know if they're having a boy or girl or if it's a surprise or if they're like gender expansive or anything like that. And so that's something that is super helpful for me that I learned early, early on, and I have found to be a really lovely part of my business. So so that is five and six we have for more lessons. I hope that you stick around for them. And if you have not already I would love for you to subscribe. I put out a bi weekly or BI monthly newsletter every other week. Is that bi monthly. I need more sleep today. I think that's bi monthly. Is that true? I'm gonna look that up. So every other week, there is a newsletter that goes out with all kinds of fun information and also the latest podcast episodes and also any workshops or classes that I have coming up. So if you want to be a part of that newsletter and not miss anything that's happening around these parts, that is in the show notes you're welcome to subscribe to that. We'd love to have you there. And if you have tips to add or want to comment or ask questions about the tips that I've that I've shared so far, I would love for you to connect with me on Instagram at Herat doula so that we can connect over there and follow each other and get to know you a little bit better. Alright, I will see you in the next episode. Thanks for joining us for this episode of the doula Tips and Tits podcast. If you learned something today or had an aha moment, we'd love for you to share that on Instagram and tag us at Harrod doula, so we can celebrate alongside you. If you found this podcast helpful. We would so appreciate you taking a second to leave a rating and review on your favorite podcast app that helps other doulas find us as we do this work together. This podcast is intended as educational and entertainment it is not medical advice or business advice. Please consult your own medical or legal team for your own needs around your health and your business. We'll see you again soon.

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If you have not listened to the two episodes before this one, make sure to check out the other tips. We are diving into some of the fifth and sixth tips I learned at the beginning of my doula career. We will be talking about working with providers a doula and having a notebook to keep notes during births.

Quote from the show:

“Or they said this, or this thing happened? That I remember those details are like cemented, but things like, you know, what was the name of your nurse? Or what was, you know, the birthday or the time that your kid was born? How much did they weigh? I don't remember those things. I just, I just do not have mental space for those details is my thought. So what I started doing pretty early in my Doula career is having a notebook where I take notes at all of my prenatal visits for the year. Now, it took a little while for me to start doing this in like a notebook for the year, because I didn't have enough people to fill a notebook right, where now I get most of the way through a small like journal kind of size notebook in a year. And so I will mark, I use like little sticky notes, or the little like sticky tabs to mark what month anyone is in. And then I have a notes from our prenatal visits in that so that I can throw that in my doula bag and look back over it as needed.”

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Kaely Daily is produced by Kaely Harrod of Harrod Doula Services

It is sponsored by The Birth Prep Blueprint Childbirth Class

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